I’ve messed up. I’m back up to 200 pounds due to eating like shit on the holidays and not exercising. I was 166. 166. Its been a year since I was last really on track with myself. The reason I Iet myself go essentially is because my house burned down year to date this day. I lost everything, so I ate. Now I literally have to start all over again.
This is hard for me because since the fire nothing really matters to me anymore. It showed me that nothing is permanent so why fuss over it. Material things are so trivial now even Christmas and Birthdays have lost their allure. I get presents and think, “Do I really need this?”. Honestly I get more now out of giving to others.
People tell me not to live in fear. I’m not. It’s just realizing how much bullshit I let control my life and deciding that it wasn’t worth it. I put value in the wrong things and not myself, and now that I can’t hide behind my possessions anymore it forced me to take a hard look at myself. I wasn’t happy. Even with the weight loss I thought I had what I needed. I didn’t.
So I write here as a pledge to myself to start raw. Nowhere to hide now. I have to deal with myself once and for all. I will get healthy again and try to find happiness in my surroundings. I will stop eating shit and treat my body like the temple goddess she is. It will be a hard road, but It’s now or never.
Wish me luck.
"And when we wake up, ‘imma hit that thing again.
If the thought of Benedict Cumberbatch walking up to you, shaking his coat, tousling his hair, and then caressing your head before a kiss doesn’t send shivers through your body then you might want to consult a doctor.
YOOOOOO! be still my beating vagina.
reblog and make a wish!
this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)
OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.
I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS
LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS
holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.
I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT
SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP
WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????
ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE
THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.
HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER
20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.
GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.
I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.
OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOGUM I DID THIS LIKE SERIOSLY LAST WEEK SOMETHING BASIC AND IT HAPPENED???
Eh why not?
I wish I get the job I applied for
So I quit Planet Fitness and joined LA fitness. I got a good rate because I work in the wall next to where they’re building another one. I went to the current site a few miles away and I LOVE it. They have a pool.
So maybe finally I’ll stick to this weight loss thing. Life has thrown me so many curve balls recently. BUT I do have a new bf and I think it might work… maybe. We’ll see.
Dieting Khaleesi style now
a portrait of the inner struggle
Omg it’s back
Trying to be healthy around unhealthy family.