3. Who are you looking foward to seeing?

No one really. Sometimes I get excited to see my boyfriend after work. It’s more a question of what I’d like to see. I’d love a case of Corona and a few tacos.

I love tacos.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I would consider myself to be outgoingly shy. I can be really reserved at times, or the life of the party.

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

You are so beautiful to me xx

I don’t know who sent this… but you just saved.. i can’t right now I’m on the verge of tears.

Thank you.

fuck my life right now. just everything

I’m not where I want to be financially or physically. mentally. Everything I do seem to has a one step forward two steps back effect. I’m getting nowhere.

I deleted my Facebook because no one cares in the first place, I’m not really on there that often and It’s just a constant reminder of how much I’ve failed over the years. I don’t want that negative reminder, it’s gone now. I’m sick of all the pressure to have kids and get married. It’s driving me up the wall. I feel like I’ve never had the time to work on me, do the things I want to do when I want. I worry I’ll get stuck somewhere.

I can’t even type fucking 40 words a minute. The highest I managed to get to was 35.7. I don’t even qualify for a goddamn secretary job. LIKE WHY AM I HERE. I don’t want to do retail jobs my whole life. I can’t stand bending over for over privileged people anymore. It’s tearing at me. I HAVE NO SKILLS AT ALL AND NO MONEY TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL TO LEARN NEW ONES. NO BANK WILL APPROVE ME FOR A LOAN BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY. FUUUUCCCCCCKKKK.

I’m almost 27 years old. I’ve failed. This is bottom and It’s too late to climb out. I can’t do anything on my own besides own my car, which god forbid anything happen to it because I don’t have the money to really get any work done - tires and transmission fluid changes, ect. Everything in this world costs money and I don’t have it… so I have nothing. 

I regret everything I went to school for. Fuck art. Seriously. It has done nothing for me. Do what you love they tell you. They don’t tell you how miserable you’ll be when you can’t get a job. I’m not smart enough to be a doctor or lawyer, engineer, or anything with a reputable degree. Art WAS the only thing I was good at…the only thing I loved. I was no Picasso or Monet, but I loved to paint and it made me feel good. Too bad that I learned too late that I HAD to paint like them to get a job anywhere in this super competitive market.

So now I’ve wasted what they call the best years of your life worrying if my paycheck will be enough to pay the bills, gas money, enough to put on the card for the train home, or able to eat well that week, or ration my cup of noodle stash in the pantry. Just once I wish things would go right for me. Everyone else seems to get it so easy.

I’m so sad it hurts. I can’t sleep well. All I do is dream about all the worries I have and wake up depressed and miserable. I honestly can’t tell you the last time I slept soundly through the night. I might have been a child. I do get sleep, but the quality is terrible. I might need professional help, butttt with what money? Most visits are not covered through heath insurance, which I also cannot afford because my intermittent job doesn’t offer benefits (They were the only ones that called me back for an interview mind you).

I’m just so tired of everything. What’s the point of this rat race of life if I’m living to work. I thought this ride supposed to be FUN.

I want off this ride.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

With my Boyfriend Ryan.  He told me he loves me, but I don’t know how I feel about him yet. I care for him greatly, but I don’t want to jump into love without it really meaning something this time.

I might just answer these if people ask

—1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
4. Are you easy to get along with?
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
15. What good thing happened this summer?
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
19. Do you like bubble baths?
20. Do you like your neighbors?
21. What are you bad habits?
22. Where would you like to travel?
23. Do you have trust issues?
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
26. What do you do when you wake up?
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
30. Do you ever want to get married?
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
33. Spell your name with your chin.
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
40. What do you want to do after high school?
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
43. Do you smile at strangers?
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
46. What are you paranoid about?
47. Have you ever been high?
48. Have you ever been drunk?
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
53. Favourite makeup brand?
54. Favourite store?
55. Favourite blog?
56. Favourite colour?
57. Favourite food?
58. Last thing you ate?
59. First thing you ate this morning?
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
62. Been arrested? For what?
63. Ever been in love?
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
65. Are you hungry right now?
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
67. Facebook or Twitter?
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
69. Are you watching tv right now?
70. Names of your bestfriends?
71. Craving something? What?
72. What colour are your towels?
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
75. Favourite animal?
76. What colour is your underwear?
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
80. What colour pants?
81. Favourite tv show?
82. Favourite movie?
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
87. First person you talked to today?
88. Last person you talked to today?
89. Name a person you hate?
90. Name a person you love?
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
92. In a fight with someone?
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
95. Last movie you watched?
96. Favourite actress?
97. Favourite actor?
98. Do you tan a lot?
99. Have any pets?
100. How are you feeling?
101. Do you type fast?
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
103. Can you spell well?
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
108. What should you be doing?
109. Is something irritating you right now?
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
111. Do you have trust issues?
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
113. What was your childhood nickname?
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
115. Do you play the Wii?
116. Are you listening to music right now?
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
118. Do you like Chinese food?
119. Favourite book?
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
121. Are you mean?
122. Is cheating ever okay?
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
125. Do you believe in true love?
126. Are you currently bored?
127. What makes you happy?
128. Would you change your name?
129. What your zodiac sign?
130. Do you like subway?
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
134. Can you count to one million?
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
137. How tall are you?
138. Curly or Straight hair?
139. Brunette or Blonde?
140. Summer or Winter?
141. Night or Day?
142. Favourite month?
143. Are you a vegetarian?
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
145. Tea or Coffee?
146. Was today a good day?
147. Mars or Snickers?
148. What’s your favourite quote?
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?  (via missesnorris)

(Source: catscuddlingandyou, via rita-haxx)

Asked by damnshelostweight damnshelostweight

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself publicly, then send it to your ten favorite followers :)

Oh man I didn’t even check my ask box until I got a reply from another comment lol… well here goes

I like my feet. They are pretty feet even though they are huge.

My eyes are pretty swell I guess

I can’t think of five. honestly.

Hit reset

I’ve messed up. I’m back up to 200 pounds due to eating like shit on the holidays and not exercising. I was 166. 166. Its been a year  since I was last really on track with myself. The reason I Iet myself go essentially is because my house burned down year to date this day. I lost everything, so I ate. Now I literally have to start all over again.

This is hard for me because since the fire nothing really matters to me anymore. It showed me that nothing is permanent so why fuss over it. Material things are so trivial now even Christmas and Birthdays have lost their allure. I get presents and think, “Do I really need this?”. Honestly I get more now out of giving to others.

People tell me not to live in fear. I’m not. It’s just realizing how much bullshit I let control my life and deciding that it wasn’t worth it. I put value in the wrong things and not myself, and now that I can’t hide behind my possessions anymore it forced me to take a hard look at myself. I wasn’t happy. Even with the weight loss I thought I had what I needed. I didn’t. 

So I write here as a pledge to myself to start raw. Nowhere to hide now. I have to deal with myself once and for all. I will get healthy again and try to find happiness in my surroundings. I will stop eating shit and treat my body like the temple goddess she is. It will be a hard road, but It’s now or never.

Wish me luck.

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY